Slow News Day

Apr 6, 2012 by Lauren

All I saw on the news last night was Jessica Simpson.  It was like a bad episode of The Brady Bunch, only this time it was Jessica, Jessica, Jessica.  The problem is, not one single thing being “reported” about her and her pregnancy was happy, kind or positive.  On 4 separate “news” programs, I saw people losing their shit over the “fact” that “experts” are estimating Jessica Simpson has gained 50 lbs. during her pregnancy.  The more I watched, the more irate I became.  In case anyone isn’t clear where I stand on this issue, I made a top ten list. 🙂

 

Top Ten Reasons People Should Leave Jessica Simpson Alone

 

10.  No one but JS and God have any idea how much weight she’s gained.  Every photo we see of her (and every other celebrity) is photoshopped anyway, and if you see her on talk shows, you could misjudge her weight due to clothing, water retention and oh, I don’t know, the fact that she’s PREGNANT.

9.  It’s not that uncommon to gain 50 lbs. when pregnant.  I did.  It’s certainly not something I was striving for.  It’s not something I would recommend as a planned course of action for other pregnant women.  But it happens.  Sometimes you’re pregnant with an 11 lb. child and by the time you add up weight of the actual baby, water weight, placenta/other organ weight, weight gained in your boobs…you’re not left with much.  I had 12 lbs. out of 50 to lose by the time I shed my water weight.  It DOES happen.

8.  I know it’s not a proven fact BUT most people I know who had girls ended up getting puffy all over, and most I know who had boys gained mainly in the stomach area.  And what do you know? JS is having a girl.

7.  How would you like to be judged for how you look while you’re pregnant…by the national news?  I don’t know about you, but I looked like Shamu at 9 months pregnant and I’m glad E! News wasn’t there to capture every bloated second.dccdcdccvds

6.  To all the people bringing up the potential health risks of gaining extra weight while pregnant (i.e. harder to lose baby weight, potential large baby, potential delivery complications, etc.)…yes they are potential risks, HOWEVER, you could gain the “appropriate” amount of weight and still have any of the above health issues.  Every woman is different.

5.  Jessica Simpson is 5’3 and a DD.  Read: short with huge boobs.  That’s before she was pregnant.  God only knows what cup size she is now.  In other words…where is the baby supposed to go?  Her boobs probably take up half her torso, which is probably only a foot and a half long to start with.

4.  I understand that when you pose pregnant and nude for the cover of Elle magazine, you’re opening yourself up to critiques.  However, obviously Elle WANTED her for their cover model.  A major fashion magazine didn’t think she was fat and grotesque, and these are the people who think every woman should look like Kate Moss.

3.  Is there seriously NOTHING else more important to discuss on the news than Jessica Simpson’s supposedly fat ass?  Really?!  That last time I saw something about the size of someone’s ass on the news, it was a tranny in Florida who was arrested for injecting Fix-A-Flat into people’s butts as an implant.  THAT is news.

2.  It’s not exactly NEWS that pregnant women are a little…how you say…hormonal and sensitive.  Women beat each other up enough as it is.  Can’t pregnant women be the one group of women that is “off-limits” to bashing?

1. Last, but not least, IT’S NONE OF OUR F-ING BUSINESS.  Get a life.