Clean up, aisle 4

Jun 9, 2009 by

It’s been forever since I blogged, so here’s a random assortment of things I’ve been thinking about lately.

1. 200 lbs on the dot! Hey, it’s only 3 lbs, but HEY IT’S 3 LBS! Woot!

Ty, skip #2

2. The ring worked! I’ve never had a pill work on the first try, but the ring did. Woot!

3. Here’s how stupid I am. I was cleaning out our old house to prepare for renters, which included steam cleaning the carpet. I was setting up some new box fans to speed the drying process, and hopefully eliminate the molding process but, apparently, this box fan had feet. I think they all do, but at the time I was mystified. So what do I do? SIT ON THE WET FLOOR to try and figure out how these stupid feet go on the fan. The phrase “what’s up your butt?” took on a whole new meaning…because I had sand up my butt, and let me tell you…that shit hurts. Talk about a raw crack. More importantly, talk about a dirty floor. Gross.

4. Every so often, I check out the local paper, The Mason County Democrat. I have never seen a paper that prints the “sheriff’s report.” The Sheriff’s Report includes 911 calls, tickets, emergencies and the like. Here are some excerpts from the 5/27 edition.

“5/12 at 8:48 am: Rural Easton, suspicious man coming into yard.”
“5-12 at 5:34 pm: Forest City, report that someone tried to abduct her child.”
“5-13 at 3:51 am: Manito, suspicious vehicle ‘shinning’ light around.” Yes, that’s right, shinning, not shining. This new lingo appears more than once. God forbid a newspaper have spell check.
“5-14 at 8:47 am: Rural Havana, assist motorist whose ‘care’ broke down.” Should we send a Care Bear?
My personal favorite, however, is this one:
“5/16 at 1:26 pm: Rural Topeka, complaint about 15 tractors on blacktop, 15-20 people on a trailer drinking, tractors are passing each other.”
That, my friends, is my first appearance in the sheriff’s report. It was the annual poker run. Most people who passed us waved (or waved their own beer cans…) as they passed us by. No one was causing any trouble and, as I said, this has been going on for about 8 years now. Wouldn’t you have loved to hear the 911 operator on the other end of that call. “Well sir/ma’am, I was actually supposed to be on the poker run myself, but I had to work, so instead I’m talking to you.” There were probably 60 people on the poker run. If the police really cared that this event goes on, there’s been 8 years that they could’ve shut it down, not to mention…it’s pretty easy to track down a line of 15 tractors pulling trailers. Give me a break.

There was 1 good ticket in the sheriff’s report as well.
“5/16: (name removed) San Jose, no insurance, disobeyed stop sign, leaving the scene of property damage accident, failure to report accident to police, too fast for conditions-accident.” Sounds like someone’s going to have a bad day in court!
(all information taken from the Mason County Democrat 5/27 issue)

5. The past week has turned up some good quotes, for entertainment purposes only.

At Larry’s last week:

Adam: “Well when you don’t want anyone else to eat them, you chew it up and spit it out, then no one can re-sell it.” I guess he was talking about wings…but that’s not what it sounds like to me!

Ty: How’s the house coming, Keri?
Keri: My house is fine, I’m almost done unpacking.
Randy: OUR house.
Keri: What I meant is, my house, which is located right next to Randy’s shed.

Lauren H: Just so you know, I love Dick’s. (the sporting goods store, of course…)

I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    I only wish that was my first time in the sheriff's report. Sorry mom and dad

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