I Am Mom Enough, Hear Me Roar!
By now, I’m sure you’ve all at least heard about last week’s Time magazine cover, which was supposedly about attachment parenting yet featured the “shock factor” photo of a 3 year old standing on a chair to breastfeed, as well as the title “Are You Mom Enough?”
I’m not going to link to the article because A) you have to be subscriber to read it online and B) it irritates me immensely.
Let’s get a few details out of the way before I tell you how I really feel, shall we?
I didn’t breastfeed. Ever. It was my CHOICE, and I feel fortunate to have so many people who, whether they supported my decision or not, supported me having that choice. I don’t tend to follow the “attachment parenting” style which, for those of you not in the know on all the supposed “methods” of parenting, usually includes things like baby-wearing, extended breastfeeding and skin-to-skin contact.
What I want to focus on is this “question” of whether we, as women, are “mom enough.” I can’t speak for everyone, so I’m going to speak for myself and I hope you’ll all agree.
I try never to blame the media for all our problems. We cause most of our own problems. What a company like Time is doing by putting out a magazine with a cover photo/headline like that, on Mother’s Day week, is trying to cause commotion and, therefore, trying to sell more magazines. I mean, come on people, that IS their job, isn’t it?
With that being said, this particular cover does illustrate a major problem going on in our country: Mom Wars. For whatever reason, women these days have this BS notion that if their best friend chooses a different style of parenting than they did, then one of them has to be wrong. And so begins the epic battle of stay-at-home moms vs. working moms, breastfeeding moms vs. formula feeding moms, vaccinating mom vs. non-vaccinating moms. Like I’ve mentioned multiple times (here, here and here) regarding food choices, parenting styles/choices are not necessarily MORAL decisions. If you choose to bake your kid’s birthday treats, there is no reason to be hateful towards “those” moms who buy treats from the store. Just because your neighbor turns into a life-sized hovercraft when her kids hit the playground, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you (OR her) if you let your kid bump his head on the swing set once in a while.
Listen, there are some parenting choices that I will never understand. Co-sleeping is one of them. I’m not saying it’s wrong (except for those morons who co-sleep without the proper co-sleeping accessories like bumpers or bassinets to keep their babies safe. I judge those people fo sho.) to co-sleep, I just don’t know how those parents do it! Literally and figuratively.
Literally: How can you sleep hearing their little noises all night, worrying you’re going to suffocate them in your sleep, etc.? Figuratively: How do you do…IT. Sorry, but I can’t be doing it w/ my dog looking at me, let alone my kid. That is not normal or natural. I know all you adults who walked in on your parents years ago hear me on this one! 😉
Regardless, it’s not something I chose to do. But I don’t think it’s wrong/bad/stupid/etc. It’s just not my CHOICE of parenting styles. I still support the right of every mother out there to have a CHOICE in how she raises her kids.
Here’s the real deal: Moms need to stop fighting with each other. If we are all honest, this whole “mom war” CRAP is 100% rooted in our own insecurities. But we don’t need to be insecure. Your kids won’t give a shit if their 3rd birthday party wasn’t decorated by the Pinterest gods. They want you to have fun and play with them at their birthday party. And when they get older, they won’t even want you AT their birthday party, so enjoy it while it lasts!
There is always going to be someone with a cleaner house, better-dressed kids, more money, more SOMETHING than you. Get over it. Focus on what you ARE good at and that is: loving your children as hard and as much as you can.
THAT is what makes us all “Mom Enough.”
is there really a vaccinating and non-vaccinating division among american mothers these days? polio, anyone?
Yes, there absolutely is, believe it or not! Many moms still believe vaccinations can cause autism, so that’s one reason. Other moms think they just over-vaccinate today’s children, which if you knew how many shots they give kids under the age of one, you can kind of see where that idea comes from. Personally, I fall into the absolutely vaccinate category for all things like polio, hepatitis, etc. but I tend to hold off on flu shots, HPV shots (not that he’s anywhere near old enough for that anyway), and I’m considering skipping the chicken pox shot but will probably get it anyway because it prevents shingles. It’s crazy all the different perspectives out there. What’s actually even more common than anti-vaccinating moms are the anti-circumsising moms. That one I just don’t get.