I’m an Idiot

Apr 28, 2010 by

Do you ever have a week where you do or say so many stupid things that you wonder if maybe you actually were born yesterday?  Welcome to my week.

My friend passed along a recipe for 44 clove garlic soup.  Needless to say, that is a LOT of garlic peeling.  I made the soup, ate the soup, LOVED THE SOUP.  I told my mom about the soup and she informed me that there is a silicon tube gadget that will peel your garlic for you.  What a great invention!  I thought I was being helpful by passing this “new information” along to another friend.  Unfortunately, my friend, along with probably every other human on the planet, does not need this information.  Why?  Because she was already aware that you simply have to slam your palm down on a clove of garlic and the peel will come off all on its own.  Boy did I feel like a moron.

Next, the garden.  Since I’ve started composting, I thought it would be a great idea to grow some vegetables.  We have the space and I have the time, so why not?  I asked Adam, since it’s his job, if he had any helpful hints or tricks.  He said he knows nothing about gardens.  I couldn’t figure that out, since what he does is basically a very, very large-scale garden, but I let it slide.  Great, I thought.  Now this will be all “mine.”  I can do what I want, how I want, when I want…and he won’t have any say!  Super!

My garden is 10×10 and located in an area that was formerly 100% weeds.  Not too sure that was a good idea.  In order to start my garden, I knew I had to till it and pull all the weeds. About 2 hours in, I am hand-pulling weed after weed, when in rolls my husband.  He watches me for awhile, then asks what exactly I’m doing.
Me: I.am.pulling.weeds!  WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
Him: You know you don’t have to do that, right?
Me: (silence) What do you mean?  Obviously not, or else I’m just a glutton for punishment.
Him: All you have to do is shovel the dirt, then flip it over.
Me: (silence) What about the weeds?
Him: (silence) They will die when you flip the dirt over. 

That would have been helpful information 2 hours prior, don’t ya think? 🙂  Whatever happened to not knowing anything about gardening, anyway?  Hmm.  Stupid, take II.

The next THREE days, moving was…difficult.  Did that stop me from pure stupidity?  Hell no! 

Over the weekend, we decided to purchase outdoor furniture for the patio.  Did the incoming rain clouds even give us pause?  No.  Duuuh.  We are awesome.  Rain looks at us and turns the other way. 

Or not.  Because, of course, in true Murphy’s Law fashion, the minute we pull onto the main drag home, torrential rain commences.  Then, the strap on the trailer comes loose.  Great.  We thought it was fortunate that our friends’ house was really close.  Awesome, we can borrow their driveway to fix the strap and get home.  Except we ended up staying and chatting for 3 hours.  Then, when we did try to leave, the truck’s battery was dead.  Apparently that happens when you leave the lights on.

Finally, we make it home and the cardboard boxes containing the furniture have been all but disintegrated by the rain/drive home.  I had a near miss with the picnic table and my face, thanks to the Wizard of Oz wind going on.  The whole incident was just…stupidly pathetic.

Two days later, I am finally recovered enough to bend…which means, YAY!  I can finally plant the stinkin’ garden.  Lucky for me, the buffalo gnats are in season early this year.  There is not enough Buggins spray, vanilla spray, clothing or anything else to keep those little F’ers out of every orifice in my body.  I know this for a fact, because despite being basically covered in spray, I managed to pull a dead gnat out of my butt crack.  You have not LIVED until you find a gnat in your crack.  Not that I’m surprised it went in there and ended up dead…looks like the gnat was the stupid one this time! 🙂

Last, but not least, last night I had the brilliant idea that I would make beef brisket.  This morning, I got up intending to put that plan into action…only to realize I have nothing big enough to cook it in.  I ended up at Pamida in Havana with a cheapy foil “oven roaster” with no lid, and covered the brisket with more foil when I got home.  I’ll let you know who wins the battle of idiocy on this one.

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1 Comment

  1. Becky @ Our Peaceful Home

    Ha! Great post! Thanks for sharing! Thanks for visiting my blog! I've totally had days and weeks like that! I can so relate!

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