Jesus laughs, I cry.

Oct 2, 2009 by

Friday has been an FML kind of day. 

I slept like crap Thursday night, so I was screwed before I even woke up (for the 56th time).

When I did finally wake up, I looked at the clock and bolted out of bed because I thought the exterminator was coming any second, and I didn’t want to be in my pajamas and braless.  Not a pretty picture, I assure you.  Nothing like jumping for joy over the exterminator.

Then I bugged Adam about whether he was going to work because it was 9 am–pretty late for harvest.  He politely informed me that it was 7:55.  No WONDER I was so sleepy.

Since I had this newfound extra time, I decided to complete my Wii workout before the exterminator arrived.  (All thoughts of looking presentable promptly went out the window.)

Everything was going great.  I finally thought I was making progress and actually LIKING the exercise, which is a major development.  Apparently, Jokester Jesus was bored, because my Wii just up and froze, right before I finished the workout.  I guess I was supposed to watch Project Runway after all!  🙂

The exterminator showed up and, as predicted, I was smelly, sweaty and overall gross.  He came to get rid of the mice that live in our attic and drive the dog b-a-n-a-n-a-s.  The entrance to the attic is in the garage ceiling. The exterminator is afraid of heights.  Great.  So now Adam and I have to decide who is going to climb the ladder and brave Mice Mountain,  Thankfully Adam was honored with that responsibility.

Adam left for work, and I was left to deal with the broken Wii.  Nintendo customer service is AMAZING!  Although it’s always annoying, when you know something is broken, to have to go through all the “troubleshooting” (such an ironic term!) only for the customer service department to eventually say exactly the same thing you said when you called: “My shit is broken.  You need to fix it.”  Nintendo is mailing us a brand new Wii, which we will keep permanently, and we send back the broken one in the same box the new one shipped in, for $5.  I love Nintendo.  All it took was a 10 minute phone call.  By the time I hung up the phone and walked to the computer, I had an email w/ a tracking number and instructions.  LOVE them.

Pottery Barn, however, is pushing my limits of sanity.  We ordered curtains, rods and tie backs for the living room and bedroom.  $77.49 just for shipping.  REGULAR STANDARD SHIPPING.  How freaking heavy are linen curtains?  FML.  But I’m the dumbass that hit “confirm purchase” even after I knew what was up.  Now, you may be wondering why I haven’t taken the potential weight of the curtain rods into consideration.  They were ordered with the curtains and tie backs, but are in a separate box.  I get that–they’re big!  The problem is, if all of this was ordered, all of it was in stock, why are the curtain rods not scheduled for delivery until Monday? 

Can’t hang the curtains, because there are no rods.  Can’t screw in the ends of the rods, because there are no rods.  Can’t hang up the tie backs to tie back the curtains…because there are no curtains.  Why?

Color.  We ordered silk curtains for our room, in a color called “clay,” which looked to be a medium cool beige, similar to our paint.  At the time I thought that was funny, since clay is red, but I went with it.  The “clay” curtains arrived, and they are gold.  WTF?  Back to the box.  The “espresso” “linen” curtains are some weird cotton basketweave, and if that’s what color PB’s morning espresso is, they must be using a crapload of vanilla Coffeemate.  Back to the box.  I am becoming more and more glad by the minute that I spent so much $ on shipping a load of turd colored fabric I can’t use.  I bet everyone reading this can imagine what color “turd” colored fabric would be.  But PB can’t figure out “espresso.”  Were these people high? Maybe they should start naming their fabrics after “funyuns” and “nacho cheese doritos” bags. I’m sure they know those by heart.

Why is it so hard to get what you paid for?

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