Two of Those Days

Jan 14, 2013 by Lauren

After last week’s day from hell, I thought karma would leave me alone for a while.

But, you know what they say, if you want to make God laugh…tell him your plans.

The very next day, hell day: part 2 hit like a ton of bricks.

It was G$’s 18 month birthday which happened to coincide with his 18 month checkup…and flu shot.  Every parent knows that the only fun “shot day” involves Grey Goose and cranberry not needles and bandaids.  Miraculously, G$ did really well and we decided to grab some lunch and hit the grocery store.

I chose to shop at an actual grocery store rather than my usual Walmart, because I refuse to buy beef from Walmart.  Gross.

My bad.  We walked in and the lady at the deli immediately starts baby-talking to G$ and asking him if he’s excited to meet his little brother or sister.  Adam and I both started looking around, wondering who she was talking to.  We must’ve figured it out at the same time because both our jaws hit the floor.  You’d think after this has happened for the 465,000th time that it wouldn’t surprise me any more.  You’d be wrong.

The lady quickly realized her mistake and apologized profusely.  First, she simply said she was sorry.  Then she said she didn’t mean any harm or to be rude.  Then came the best part, something I’ve never heard used as an excuse before.  She said to please excuse her because her vision isn’t too good.

Oh really?  See, now that makes sense.  I think my optometrist mentioned that to me at my last checkup.  There’s near-sighted, far-sighted and FAT-sighted.  Oh wait.  No. That’s just this bitch.  Your vision isn’t too good?  Seriously?  Come ON.

And that’s the worst.  People who aren’t stupid.  People who actually realize they just put their foot so far in their mouth that the only thing they can do is apologize and act remorseful.  Because now I’m embarrassed, they’re embarrassed and I’m embarrassed for them.  At least when you run into an oblivious idiot, the only one who has to feel bad is me.

But my day o’ fun wasn’t over yet.  On the way home, G$ stuck his finger too far back in his mouth, gagged himself, and puked all over himself AGAIN.

G$’s milkshake brought all the puke to the car.