Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?

Aug 4, 2010 by

My apologies for the techno difficulties we’ve been experiencing as of late.  I think they are all resolved now, so make sure to notice the new iTunes links on the right side of this page, which will take you directly to the iTunes store. I also have a new search function, on the right side of this page as well…just in case you think I said something so hilarious you want to share it with your friends, but don’t have the time to scroll through 100 blog posts to find it.  You’re welcome. 🙂

Moving right along…Sunday was unintentionally interesting.  Adam and I were watching True Blood when his phone rang.  We ignored it…because we were watching True Blood.  Duh.  Then my phone started ringing immediately after his quit, so we thought we better pause our vampire show, since something important might need our immediate attention.  At the time, I couldn’t think of anything that would be more important than whether Sookie would live or die but, alas, I was wrong.

On the phone was our good friend who drove past our house on her way home.  When I answered, the first thing she said was “I don’t mean to freak you out but (which of course makes you freak out more) you need to call the police and lock your doors right away.”   Oooook?
Apparently on the drive past our house, she noticed a Grand Am parked in the middle of the road, between our house and our old house (which Adam’s cousin rents).  Both doors on the Grand Am were wide open and apparently 2 scurvy looking guys were wandering in the street, with no shoes on, although their shoes were in the middle of the road as well. 

I did make sure to lock the doors, but before I called the cops, I wanted to call Adam’s cousin and make sure she didn’t know something about these people/the car in case it was one of her friends playing a joke on her or something.  That would be embarrassing.  “What’d you do Sunday night?”  “Oh nothing, just called the cops on my cousin’s friends because they were barefoot.”  Right.  So I called down there and she not only didn’t know anything about the situation but couldn’t even see the car or the people my friend called about.  I went outside and, wouldn’t you know, I couldn’t see them either.  A car doesn’t just disappear, especially a parked one…wtf? 

We hung up and said we’d both lock our doors and keep our eyes out for strange activity/people.  As soon as I sat down, the phone rang again, and Adam’s cousin was whispering that she still couldn’t see the car but those 2 guys were on her property because she could hear every word they were saying.  Now she’s sufficiently freaked out because they look like they’re on something, and she has 4 kids.  So she sends her fiance out to see what they’re doing, and sure enough, there are the 2 weirdos right in their driveway, standing under the telephone pole.  Her fiance drives up, and immediately the 2 guys start asking if he can give them a ride.  Naturally, he declined, but was polite about it.  Not that his good manners mattered much because they immediately started calling him a “N***** bitch.”  (Her fiance is white…so not only is that a totally inappropriate and racist comment, it doesn’t even make sense.)

No matter how polite her fiance was, they kept screaming obscenities at him (a sure way to get a stranger to help you, I might add) until he told them he was going inside to call the police and they should leave.  When he got a hold of the cops, the dispatcher already knew the exact street number, had received several complaints already, said someone was on the way, but the officer was coming from Bath, so it “might be awhile.”  The fiance promptly alerted the dispatcher that that was great, but if the 2 turds came back and start causing trouble, he wasn’t going to wait for the police to take care of the situation.  I guess that comment made the police nervous because 2 minutes later, I got another phone call from Adam’s cousin asking if I’d seen the creeps because the officer was driving up and down our road and he couldn’t find them.  I appreciated her asking, but it’s not like I was sitting outside in the dark waiting for some stupid ridge rats to come and rob me blind.  No, I had not seen them.  Buuuuuut I went outside to look anyway, and I could hear them talking, just past the treeline next to our driveway.  Great.  Luckily, the cop happened to find them about 10 seconds after I did, so I just sat on the porch and listened. 

I couldn’t make out the whole conversation but from what I did hear, they told the officer that they were “just walking home” and “stopped in the driveway so they could see where they were going” (which makes no sense…if you’re on your way home…don’t you know where you’re going?  Especially if you’re WALKING?) and that “the guy at the other house down the street came out and started yelling at us.” (Not true, and of course the cop knew it.)

After that, most of what I heard was this crazy, “I’m on something wicked” kind of laugh.  Not a stoner laugh, we all know what that sounds like.  This was really high-pitched and just not right.  Needless to say it was obvious to everyone who heard it that these 2 ridge rats were tweakin’ big time.  Eventually the cop did let them go, but he was nice enough to stop and pick their shoes up out of the road. 

The next morning Adam and his cousin’s fiance were both out and about early for work and each of them noticed that there were a pair of girls’ flip flops out in the road as well…so now we are wondering whether the car that our friend initially reported was driven by some girl, and she kicked them out and drove off and left their dumb butts behind. 

All I can say is, if you’re going to steal a car, you have to be dropped off by someone…so, local friends, quit leaving your keys in your cars and your doors unlocked.  Never knew when tweaker dee and tweaker dumb might be back.

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1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    You should always have a hole dug and a shovel ready for those situations!!

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