WTF is going on around here?

Jul 7, 2009 by

Larry’s day is always an interesting one. Seems I learn something new each week. Last week, we (surprise!) went to Super Sports in South Pekin. Who knew South Pekin was an actual town and not just a specific part of Pekin? Weird.

During this trip I learned of some new local landmarks. My husband likes to make fun of me since I get lost around town a lot. I’ve tried to explain to him that I need landmarks, not compass directions (Go north of county road 2300 E about 4 miles, blah blah blah. Who even knows what that means? Not gonna happen). Landmarks. When I say landmarks, I mean things such as, hey there’s a 2 story white house on the corner. No, not the one with the giant wagon wheels, the next one. Turn there! Or, go past the McDonald’s and turn left at the corner. (Sadly, all these are actual directions to my house. At least they no longer include, “turn off the paved road.” Well, except when you turn into my unpaved driveway. Whatever.)

During our minivan ride to Super Sports, 2 new landmarks (which I hope to never pass for soon-to-be obvious reasons) were revealed, in all their glory.

1. The Old Deer Piss Farm
No, I am not making this up.

It did bring several questions to mind.
A) Where is it? (so I can be sure to avoid it)
B) Does it still stink?
C) Why is it the OLD deer piss farm? What’s there now?
D) More importantly, who would PURCHASE, willingly, a farm known as ODP (old deer piss)? Well, formerly known as. It’s like the artist formerly known as Prince, but now just a symbol. What would the Old Deer Piss Farm’s symbol be?

Are you down with the ODP? Yeah you know me!

The second landmark, I am literally sad to report. I think this was it’s actual name for some time, although no one (surprise, surprise) seems to know it’s actual current name. Damn rednecks.

2. N-bomb Lake (I’ll let you all take a guess as to which N-word)
Unfortunately, the use of that word is fairly prevalent around here. One stereotype about the country that, at least locally, is absolutely true. It’s embarrassing for those of us who are civilized. When you hear that that’s the name of a lake…where do you go from there? I was so blown away by the fact that not only was a lake once named this, but that everyone else in the van (except 1) seemed to know exactly what lake the person was referring to.

I had a whole diatribe regarding my thoughts on this “landmark” written here but, suffice to say, shock and awe pretty much sums it up.

There is nothing scarier than ignorance in action.

Sometimes I just sit back in amazement at where life has taken me. Never in a million years would I have imagined that I’d be sitting in a van full of people, driving through BFE-land being lectured on the longitude and latitude of something called N-bomb Lake. Just in case anyone doesn’t believe that God has a sense of humor…

Side note: Oddly enough, the vast majority of locals voted for Obama. Just goes to show you how much they hated GWB’s farm policies. Even stranger…some who voted for Obama still used that word in reference to him…which blows my mind since I wouldn’t think you’d willingly elect someone to be your president if you truly believed they fit the literal definition of the word in question.

Whew, off the soapbox.

On another note, I opened the drawer under my dryer in a rabid hunt for dye magnets…only to find that I’d used them all and forgotten to buy more…and in their place was a drawer full of mouse shit. It never ends!!!
We blocked their entrance from the garage into the house, so now they’re trapped in the ceiling and I can hear them running around all day and night. I HATE MICE. Those mofos are going down. I am sick of it. It’s gross and loud and dirty in general. Yucko.

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