New Year, New Stuff

Jan 20, 2015 by Lauren

Every year I like to look back at the past year through photos, blog posts, emails and etc. and get a good overview of how last year went.  It’s less a list of resolutions and more a guide on how not to F up/how to keep being awesome.

As I looked back over the last year’s worth of Facebook posts, photos, blogs, and more, I realized there were quite a few areas in which I could vastly improve.  Probably the most obvious of which was how (in)frequently I post here.  According to my records, I wrote 6 blogs last year.  SIX.  That’s one every 2 months (and in reality, more like 3 in one month and nothing for 3 months).  Not cool.

After some introspection on the matter, I made two decisions.

#1.  Things have to change.  See, I started writing this blog when we got married and I moved to Goofy Ridge.  Adam and I celebrated our 7th anniversary yesterday.  Suffice to say, my perspective has changed in the last seven years. 🙂  When I began this blog, I would talk to my suburban friends about my life and frequently hear them shocked and amazed at how things operate in a rural area.  Those of you who remember the Frank bumper story know what I mean.  But, like many things in life, the longer you’re exposed to them, the more normal they seem.  Maybe it’s because we have two kids now and we just don’t get out much but I’m finding myself exposed to fewer things that you might find on Dog the Bounty Hunter and more and more things likely found on a riveting episode of Guy’s Grocery Games.

 

(I know, Mom.  I watch too much tv.)

 

(No, I do not watch Dog the Bounty Hunter.)

 

(Or Guy’s Grocery Games.)

 

#2.  Those of you who have followed me this long deserve an explanation of what I WAS doing, when I should/could have been blogging.  🙂

 

 

But, you’ll have to wait on that until a later date.  Those fun-sucking kids I mentioned?  (Oh, did I not mention they’re fun-suckers?  They’re fun-suckers.  Luckily, they are also cute.  Most of the time.)  Anyway, the fun-suckers are boycotting nap time today.  More on my 2014 Blog Absence Explanation to come.

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Tales of a Ridge Rat

Mar 31, 2014 by Lauren

We interrupt your regularly scheduled craft programming to bring you yet another glorious tale of life in Goofy Ridge.

 

Planting season is gearing up, so this week we had a chemical company come down and start spreading fertilizer.  On their way from one field to the next, they noticed a lady pulled over on the side of the road.  It appeared she’d hit a raccoon.  They told Adam they were going to go check on her.

Adam told them to do another drive-by and scope it out before actually stopping because that raccoon had been dead on the side of the road for at least two days.

Imagine the fertilizer spreaders’ surprise when they drove by and saw this woman, with her BARE HANDS, holding the dead, bloated, rotting raccoon.  They proceeded to watch her cut the tail off with a knife, put it in her car and drive away.

 

Seriously…WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?!?!

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Only in the Ridge…

Aug 15, 2013 by Lauren

I blogged a few years ago to say that I’d no longer be posting funny stories about our rental property/tenants.

 

Today, things have changed.

 

A pipeline is going in near our town and the workers building it are flooding into town looking for places to live, like…yesterday.  Great news for us slumlords, right?

 

Today we got a phone call from a potential tenant.  He had all the right answers: full-time job, agreed to the rent, seemed to be a nice guy.  All the right answers that is, up until he said “There is just one thing I need to tell you.  I have four monkeys.”

 

Four monkeys.  FOURFREAKINGMONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!

 

Apparently, we need not fear.  The monkeys wear diapers and clothes and have cages, so they won’t destroy the house.  Plus, they will remain living in Texas with his wife…until she comes to visit periodically, with the monkeys.

 

I have so many questions!

Why monkeys?  Why not dogs or cats?

What kind of monkeys?

Do monkeys have diseases?  (I’m tempted to call the vet on that one but I’m not sure how I would explain this…)

Most importantly, can I get some of those diapers and cages for my husband?  (Just kidding.  Sort of.)

 

Then I started wondering…when the wife comes to visit, she’s obviously going to have to drive…can you imagine?  Though, to be honest, 4 monkeys is probably not much different than a road trip with 4 kids. 😉  Imagine if she got pulled over!

 

Evidently, he seems like a really nice guy and even invited us over to see the monkeys whenever his wife comes to visit (assuming they do rent the house) (as if they could keep me away).

 

So, just in case you all got confused and started thinking Goofy Ridge was a normal place to live…it’s not.  😉

 

4 monkeys…there are no words.  Oh wait, does this mean we are in for some MONKEY BUSINESS?!   Oh I crack myself up.  🙂

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Ridge Rats Hit the Big City

Jun 17, 2013 by Lauren

Just when I announce that the crazy redneck stories will probably be slowing down, something dropped in my lap that was FAR too good not to share. 🙂

 

I have a relative who we will call J-Dub.  J-Dub “doesn’t believe in Diaper Genies.”  That’s right.  Doesn’t believe in.  In J-Dub’s child-raising timeframe, there was no such thing as a diaper genie and most people used cloth diapers; therefore, anytime there was a poopy diaper, the poop simply was dumped in the toilet and flushed.  J-Dub doesn’t see why people don’t still do that, even with disposable diapers.  Personally, I think poop is gross and the faster I can get rid of it, the better.  To each their own.

 

Last week, J-Dub’s dog started having accidents in the house.  They began to happen more and more frequently and in places the dog is normally scared to go (such as the bathroom, because the dog is afraid of water).  While I was on the phone with J-Dub, she discovered one such accident and it was quite a mess.  She continued to talk to me while cleaning up the poop which, OF COURSE, was dumped into the toilet and flushed.  Then things went silent.

 

After a few moments I thought perhaps she’d hung up, but turns out she’d set the phone down to go get the plunger because the dog’s poop clogged the toilet.

 

You see, ladies and gents, rednecks do not just exist in Goofy Ridge!  Never in my life did I think I would personally know someone who plunges the toilet after their dog.

 

I might have suggested J-Dub get a diaper genie for the dog.  I might have been called a smart ass. 🙂

 

 

 

 

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Announcement #2

Jun 13, 2013 by Lauren

I promised more announcements, so here we go!

 

This blog has been going through somewhat of a transitory phase lately.  When I originally decided to become a blogger, I wanted to share all the funny stories and things I’ve learned about living in a rural area.  My suburban friends were in awe that the things I wrote were really happening and my rural friends didn’t see what the big deal was!

 

But, time marched on and now I’ve lived here for 5+ years.  I’m not learning new things about the area and the lifestyle as often as I used to.  Is it possible *gasp* that the area is growing on me?

 

I’ll explore that possibility another day but, today, I want to let you all know that I’ll be transitioning away from the funny stories and towards the things I love to share with you.  Growing on Goofy will become more of a lifestyle blog.

 

What does that mean for you?

 

It means you can look for more posts about great recipes, farm life, parenting, kids and, of course, puff quilts!  I’ve been shifting towards this for so long that you probably won’t even notice! 🙂  I’m really excited about how everything is going and I thank you all for your support over the years.  I hope you all continue to read and enjoy Growing on Goofy and, as always, if you have any questions or concerns about how things are going, I’m always eager to hear them!

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It’s the Law

Sep 27, 2012 by Lauren

There are a few “laws of the land,” if you will, when it comes to living and parenting in Goofy Ridge.  You’ll be seeing a few more of these in the coming days.  Much like Lauren Law or Mom Law, these are universal truths known to all who dare to kill their children’s future brave the wild world of parenting in the Ridge.

 

Ridge Rule #1: Your day is going to be awesome when it starts with your dog finding and killing a bird, then digging a hole and burying it, all before 8 AM.  It’s going to be extra awesome if said dog, who was just at the groomer yesterday, is now staring at you with a mud face and four wet muddy paws.

 

Ridge Rule #2: RR #1 will not stop the dog from smiling and prancing their wet and muddy paws through the living room and stretching out on the couch, taking a snooze, job well done.

 

 

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