Room Decor is for the Birds

Aug 22, 2013 by

I have had it.


It’s nearly that time…



Pregnant meltdown time.

crazy woman




Today’s Pregnant Pissy Situation (PPS) involves room decor.  Someone shoot me.  Seriously.  Since we moved G$ into his big boy room, we have the nursery basically set up and ready to rock for Navan, other than putting his name on the wall and moving clothes to G$’s room.  But G$’s new room…ugh.  Boring.  Not one thing on the walls.  This is not for a lack of trying, mind you.


But I can’t seem to find anything that is not:

A) babyish

B) cartoony

C) involving any of the following: trains, balls, animals, pirates, skulls

1) Side note…WTF is up with skulls for little boy clothes and decorations?!  You turn 10 and wearing skulls makes you feel like a BAMF, then go for it son.  Let your freak flag fly.  But G$ is two.  I still get to dress him.  And since he’s not joining up with any biker gangs (though his mother may have been accused of gang membership at one point…) or creating a poison (other than in his diaper), I don’t really see how skulls are a necessary part of his personal style.  But I digress.


Now, back to the animal decor problem.  I realize there are trends in decor for babies, just as there are in clothes for adults.  However, the current two things I am seeing EVERYWHERE are monkeys and owls.  Can we just talk about this bizarro world for a minute?


The monkey thing doesn’t bother me too much.  I don’t personally care for them, but I understand that some people find them cute and cuddly.  All I can think of are live monkeys who stink to the heavens and have favorite activities like flinging poop and touching other monkeys’ privates.  Actually, that’s strikingly similar to human boys, so maybe I’ve solved the monkey mystery.


But the owls.  WHAT THE FUCK?!  Seriously, people, work with me here.  Owls are creepy as hell.  They are only awake at night, they stare at you with their big creepo owl eyes and hoot.  All.night.long.  Is this really the example you want to create for a baby?  Ok, I’m kidding a little bit there, but OWLS ARE CREEPY.  This is not debatable.  They are not cute.


My G$ big boy decor search brought me to Etsy today.  I have a friend who had great success decorating her daughter’s nursery with items found on Etsy, so I figured I’d give it a shot since Target, Walmart, Home Goods, Crate and Barrel, Land of Nod and CB2 have already let me down not-so-gently.  This screenshot is what I found when I searched Etsy for “boy room decor:”

Screen Shot 2013-08-22 at 3.45.46 PM

NINE of twelve images are flipping owls, people.  Click to make it larger if you don’t believe me.  Why does “boy room decor” automatically = owls?  Would it kill you to get some simple, modern, able-to-grow-with-you decor, Etsy?  ARGH.

And that, my friends, is your PPS for the day.

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Only in the Ridge…

Aug 15, 2013 by

I blogged a few years ago to say that I’d no longer be posting funny stories about our rental property/tenants.


Today, things have changed.


A pipeline is going in near our town and the workers building it are flooding into town looking for places to live, like…yesterday.  Great news for us slumlords, right?


Today we got a phone call from a potential tenant.  He had all the right answers: full-time job, agreed to the rent, seemed to be a nice guy.  All the right answers that is, up until he said “There is just one thing I need to tell you.  I have four monkeys.”


Four monkeys.  FOURFREAKINGMONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!


Apparently, we need not fear.  The monkeys wear diapers and clothes and have cages, so they won’t destroy the house.  Plus, they will remain living in Texas with his wife…until she comes to visit periodically, with the monkeys.


I have so many questions!

Why monkeys?  Why not dogs or cats?

What kind of monkeys?

Do monkeys have diseases?  (I’m tempted to call the vet on that one but I’m not sure how I would explain this…)

Most importantly, can I get some of those diapers and cages for my husband?  (Just kidding.  Sort of.)


Then I started wondering…when the wife comes to visit, she’s obviously going to have to drive…can you imagine?  Though, to be honest, 4 monkeys is probably not much different than a road trip with 4 kids. 😉  Imagine if she got pulled over!


Evidently, he seems like a really nice guy and even invited us over to see the monkeys whenever his wife comes to visit (assuming they do rent the house) (as if they could keep me away).


So, just in case you all got confused and started thinking Goofy Ridge was a normal place to live…it’s not.  😉


4 monkeys…there are no words.  Oh wait, does this mean we are in for some MONKEY BUSINESS?!   Oh I crack myself up.  🙂

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