Gender Reveal Party

Sep 18, 2013 by Lauren

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People Just Have to Comment

Aug 6, 2013 by Lauren

I’ve written and spoken a lot about ignorant people asking when I was “due,” at times when I was not actually pregnant.  But I recently realized that becoming pregnant does not equal an automatic end to stupid comments.  Unfortunately.

 

Here are a few recent awkward situations.

 

-A friend found out her baby’s gender and wanted to tell her extended family before announcing it to the entire world.  She innocently commented that they were done after this baby, and people started giving her “knowing” looks and saying she “gave it away.”  Some assumed it was a boy and others assumed it was a girl, since her first child is a boy and “everyone wants one of each.”

The God’s honest truth is it has nothing to do with gender.  They decided a long time ago to only have two children.  That’s it.

 

-Adam and I visited Lowe’s a few weeks ago and, while we were checking out I had the following exchange with the cashier:

Cashier:Is this your first child?

Me: No, it’s our second.

Cashier: Oh.  Your first one was a girl?

Me: Nope, a boy.

C: Oh.  Do you know what this one will be?

M: Not yet, but we are very excited to find out!!!

C: But you are going to find out the gender?  You do want to know?

M: Yes, we can’t wait!  We find out in September.

C: Well it’s a boy.

M: (thinking…what?)  How…do you know?

C: (looking at the floor) Oh, it’s just something I do.

M: (assuming she’s basing it on an old wives’ tale about physical appearance) Oh, you mean because I’m going straight out front instead of getting wider?

C: (still looking at the floor) No, no, it’s just something I do.  Bring him in when he’s born.

Adam and I agree she was kind of embarrassed after she said it was a boy.  I don’t know if she thinks she’s a witch, a psychic, a medium,  whatever.  Doesn’t matter to me, I’m into it.  I wanted to know.  But she wouldn’t say.  Either way she must not be too good at it because she’s still working at Lowe’s! 😉

 

-Speaking of gender, people often ask if I have a preference which gender our child will be.  I think it’s kind of a stupid question because my preference is irrelevant.  I don’t get to choose and there’s a 50/50 chance of each.  But, typically when I’m asked, I shove down my snarky comments and tell the truth, which is that (given a choice) I would prefer a boy.

My reasons honestly don’t matter but, since I know you’ll ask, here are a few:

1.  Selfishly, I would like to avoid teenage girl drama.  Been there, done that.  I didn’t want to be around MYSELF during those years, so I’d rather not relive it.

2. Farming is easier for men.

3. We live in a small town.  We don’t have sidewalks.  We don’t have neighbors.  The only kids G$ will regularly play with will be his siblings.  Call me crazy but I think two boys would play together much easier than one of each.

 

Obviously there are counterpoints to all these reasons, but they don’t matter.  They’re my reasons and I’m entitled to them WITHOUT REQUIREMENT OF EXPLANATION.

 

Considering how many people have asked me if I have a preference, I am really shocked at how many insist that I NEEEEED a girl.  That my life as a woman/mother would not be complete without a daughter.  That every woman wants and needs a daughter.  That girls are so delightful and fun.

 

To take a line from President Obama, let me be clear.  My life will be fine with or without a daughter.  I don’t NEED to have any more children, regardless of gender.  I resent anyone telling me what I need/want for my life.  I’m happy for all the mothers and daughters out there but please do not assume that because I HAVE a vagina I must therefore push another one out or else my life will be incomplete.

 

I’ve determined that the common denominator here is actually the same as when people ask your “due date.”  For some reason, many people see your pregnant (or “pregnant,” as the case may be) stomach as a community event and, as such, they feel they are entitled to question and comment.

 

In my experience, most people have genuinely kind intentions and want to congratulate you (or sometimes reminisce).  That’s what makes it so hard to shoot down the questioners when you aren’t pregnant.  You don’t want to hurt their feelings (even though they’ve hurt yours) but they usually will not go away until you tell them the truth.

 

The problem is that pregnancy is NOT a community event.  It’s a family event.  Immediate family event.  If you are a stranger, you do not get to discuss/question/reminisce about MY pregnancy (or my body).  Frankly, it’s none of your business.  And if you simply MUST comment, wait for the pregnant person to bring it up to you first.  That’s generally a good indicator of whether they are open to discussion.

 

A good example of what you SHOULD do happened to me this weekend.  I attended a beautiful bridal shower for my cousin and several of our great aunts were in attendance.  One overheard me speaking with someone about Navan.  She said, “Wait!  Did I miss something?  Are you pregnant?!”  They probably just assumed I was getting fat but, either way, they weren’t going to comment on my appearance until *I* said something.  By not commenting on something they didn’t know, they saved us all from an awkward situation and ended up getting a happy surprise.

 

Older and wiser, indeed.  🙂

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Announcement #3

Jun 14, 2013 by Lauren

Since I am a total freak for puzzles, crosswords, puns and mysteries, I made you a little rhyme so you can all figure out my third announcement for yourselves.

 

 

First came B

Then came G$

And now my group of weirdos is expanding to three!

For those of you who hated the nickname we gave G$ before we knew his gender, hold on to your hats.

Baby Navan is due January 18th, 2014.

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Enough is Enough (or Sometimes a Bitch Snaps!)

Jun 6, 2012 by Lauren

Those of you who’ve read this blog for any length of time know that it’s not a totally infrequent occurrence for me to be asked about my “pregnancy” even though I am not currently pregnant.  It’s something that never ceases to embarrass me, no matter how often it happens.  If you follow my personal Facebook page, then you already know it happened again last Saturday.  For something so mortifying, it’s actually pretty motivating as well.  So, I decided enough is enough, and I wrote the business owner a letter.

 

Dear Sir or Madam,

My husband and I visited Towerline Speedway last Saturday.  We drive by on a regular basis and were thrilled to see that you were open for business again.  We mentioned to the woman at the cash register that we were very excited to see another small business owner in town and that we would have visited sooner but the weather was simply too hot.  This is where things went rapidly downhill.

The woman at the counter agreed that it had been miserably hot, which “must be difficult since you’re pregnant.”

The problem, Sir or Madam, is that I am most definitely NOT pregnant.

As you can imagine, I was stunned.  If I’m being honest, this is not the first time a stranger has asked about my “pregnancy,” but I can assure you that no matter how many times it happens, it surprises and embarrasses me each and every time.

I understand that your employee was just trying to be courteous and friendly, as it seems that pregnancy becomes a community event and even strangers want to congratulate you and ask questions about your unborn child.   I know this because I gave birth last July…to an 11 pound baby boy.  I’m sure you can understand that this left me with some rather stretched out skin.  Frankly, I’m no Kate Moss.  The thing is, Sir or Madam, I can’t be the first fat, muffin-topped or otherwise overweight person to ever walk through your doors…and I certainly won’t be the last.

Although I understand that your employee was simply attempting to be friendly, she ended up insulting and embarrassing me.  The thing is, the contents, or lack thereof, a woman’s uterus are not appropriate conversation fodder, particularly with complete strangers.  I don’t care if a woman is so pregnant it looks like she’s smuggling more basketballs under her shirt than Michael Jordan ever dunked, it is still inappropriate, and this situation is a perfect example as to why.  You never know.  I have two friends who were asked about their “pregnancies,” one had a large abdominal tumor and one had recently miscarried.  You never know, and you certainly don’t want to find out the hard way.

I wish that I’d had the clear head and heart at the time to say, “I’m not pregnant.  And that feeling of embarrassment you’re feeling right now?  That is exactly why you should never ask someone about their ‘pregnancy’ again.”  Unfortunately, I was mortified and, instead, turned as I walked out the door and said, “By the way, I’m not pregnant.”  I pretty much ran out the door and avoided looking at anyone the rest of the evening.  It ruined the entire mini-golf experience, and I definitely won’t be back.

I am not writing this letter to fish for apologies or a refund.  I don’t think anyone should be fired.  I know that I can’t stop everyone from making stupid and irresponsible comments but, I hope, after reading this letter, that you will consider having a staff meeting for some “sensitivity training” or something of the sort.  I wish you and your business the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Lauren Shissler

 

 

Hopefully that eliminates at least ONE idiotic and insensitive comment from being made to another overweight or poochy-stomached woman.  Sorry folks, it’s just NOT OK, EVER, to comment on a stranger’s appearance.  Isn’t that kind of Adulthood 101?

 

 

 

 

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