Ridge Rats Hit the Big City

Jun 17, 2013 by Lauren

Just when I announce that the crazy redneck stories will probably be slowing down, something dropped in my lap that was FAR too good not to share. 🙂

 

I have a relative who we will call J-Dub.  J-Dub “doesn’t believe in Diaper Genies.”  That’s right.  Doesn’t believe in.  In J-Dub’s child-raising timeframe, there was no such thing as a diaper genie and most people used cloth diapers; therefore, anytime there was a poopy diaper, the poop simply was dumped in the toilet and flushed.  J-Dub doesn’t see why people don’t still do that, even with disposable diapers.  Personally, I think poop is gross and the faster I can get rid of it, the better.  To each their own.

 

Last week, J-Dub’s dog started having accidents in the house.  They began to happen more and more frequently and in places the dog is normally scared to go (such as the bathroom, because the dog is afraid of water).  While I was on the phone with J-Dub, she discovered one such accident and it was quite a mess.  She continued to talk to me while cleaning up the poop which, OF COURSE, was dumped into the toilet and flushed.  Then things went silent.

 

After a few moments I thought perhaps she’d hung up, but turns out she’d set the phone down to go get the plunger because the dog’s poop clogged the toilet.

 

You see, ladies and gents, rednecks do not just exist in Goofy Ridge!  Never in my life did I think I would personally know someone who plunges the toilet after their dog.

 

I might have suggested J-Dub get a diaper genie for the dog.  I might have been called a smart ass. 🙂

 

 

 

 

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No One Can Hear Me Scream: Part 5, Raising Gentlemen Among (Ridge) Rats

May 15, 2012 by Lauren

Ok, local moms…how do you do it?

 

I don’t claim to always be the classiest, best-dressed, most politically correct person.  But parents ARE supposed to be role models for their children, right?  It never works out that way, though, does it?  The biggest influencers are usually our kids’ friends and peers.  And, no offense Mason County…I’ve seen the kids around here.

 

It’s hardly the kids’ fault though.  Just the other day I was at the grocery store and overheard a mother talking about giving her baby “titty milk.”  Really?  Keep it klassy, Kroger shoppers.  I was so glad G$ isn’t old enough to understand because I am not ready for the day when I have to explain that one.

 

How do you educate your children on life in the real world when their “real world” is filled with white trash?  Setting a good example isn’t going to be enough.

 

Some people have told me their parents took them on trips to places like The Field Museum in Chicago and Busch Stadium in St. Louis (smart parents).  Their parents felt that those short trips would help broaden their children’s horizons.  Some were even lucky enough to travel outside the country.  But what if you can’t afford that?  What else helps your kids recognize normal behavior when they are surrounded by trashy behavior at every turn?

 

It will come as no surprise to anyone that one solution I’ve come up with is making sure my children’s grammar is more Merriam Webster than Merle Haggard.  When you name your children, you rule out names like Harley and Barbie (no offense all you Harleys and Barbies out there) because it gives an impression before they open their mouth.  I feel that it’s important to know proper grammar so that your future boss won’t need to double-check your Harvard transcripts after hearing you speak.

 

But what else?   I am determined to raise gentlemen…which reminds me, maybe I should get to work on my husband… 😉  Just kidding.

 

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